21 August, 2007

A Reflection on Mirrors

There are some places where you always expect to find the strange and the supernatural, such as an abandoned church graveyard or the murky bottom of a cold lake. There are some places where you never find the strange and the supernatural, such as the laundry detergent aisle at the Dollar Store or the toe of your second-best tennis shoes. There are some places you hope never to find the strange and the supernatural but that you sometimes may, such as a bus station bathroom or the back of the line at the DMV. And there are some everyday places where you may, just may, stumble into a shadowy realm of boundless infinity in your own home.

By this, I mean a mirror.

It is a fact well-known by distinguished scholars and proven through the scientific method that mirrors are frequently windows to alternate dimensions rather than true reflections of the world around us. Just a moment ago, I was staring into the hall mirror when I noticed that the reflection staring back at me was not my true reflection but a fat goblin, a pasty-faced beast in wrinkled clothes, dark circles under its eyes, spiky black hair jutting from the top of its head, snarling and drooling in a monstrous manner. I jumped back, horrified that I had glimpsed this creature from another dimension rather than a reflection of myself. What other nightmares might I glimpse in the depths of this portal? Fearful, I immediately shattered the mirror to destroy this dimensional vortex. Then, I had to haul the cursed object out, under the ladder by our doorway, barely missing my neighbor's black cat as it ran in front of me, knocking over the salt shaker on the table, and stepping on several cracks on my way down the thirteen steps to the trash can. Now, though, with that beastly vision out of my house, I know my luck will be changing for the better.

So what does this mean for you? Try it for yourself; get a mirror. If you don't have a mirror, check out the back of a spoon, or turn off your monitor and check the reflection in it. Do you see it? Is it yourself staring back at you, or is it some slimy, doughy creature with bloodshot eyes, puffy sinuses, and callouses on all of its fingers, desperately trolling the Internet for free porn and high school classmates that hated you then and would hate you even more now, especially after you managed to look through their bedroom windows via Google Earth? See what I mean? What? You quit reading when you turned off the monitor? Oh, uh, well, see? The power of mirrors actually made this blog disappear!!

Mirrors- not something to stare into lightly, or else you risk facing a life of terrifying gloom and sadness.

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